I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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