i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
