tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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