I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
