Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
