I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
