Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
