Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
