Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
