My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
