Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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