So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
