He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
