so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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