Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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