Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He better not be in your backpack
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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