just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
