Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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