break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
