Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
