Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
