whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
