saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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