Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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