I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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