Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
