there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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