i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
