Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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