bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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