I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
