k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
