Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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