I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
