when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
