Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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