She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
