I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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