The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
