Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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