If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
