I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
