i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
