The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
