Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
