Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
