Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
