dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
