Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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