I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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