Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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