girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
