i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
